You there, with your bicycle and basket.
We want to be just like you, free and without a worry in the world. But we can’t, you’ve unlocked the secret to happiness.
And it’s over-sized tires with neon paint! Let’s take a look at the top 6 reasons you own a basket bike.
1. You’re starting college
You need to look cute going to class, but walking is for peasants.
How can you accomplish this? Well, balance isn’t your thing so a skateboard is out of the question. A scooter? Those aren’t posh.
A BICYCLE?? Ding ding ding! The world is bowing at your feet. You’ll zip by them on your way to get your bachelors of art in communications. This is your new future, and every rotation of those wheels bring you closer to your goals. Go get it sister!
2. You love the earth
Visions of flowers sitting in your basket spur to the front of your brain. As you meld with the earth you seek to give back, and you can help it out! By not burning any of those precious fossil fuels on your way to class.
But really, this reason is legit and commendable. Go you, vegan earth loving person.
3. You want to ride through crowds and sigh loudly
First, watch this video. Secondly, realize that that could be you with more potential crowds.
Bikes can weave in and out of large groups similar to my dance moves, and they’re terrible.
So what better way to let everyone know you deserve priority than sighing? If you’re next level, you can grab yourself a bell!
4. You want to ignore traffic signals while complaining if you see anyone get into the bike lane
Ah yes we’ve all seen it. Once the power of handle bars lay underneath the hands of a human, a switch goes off. “I could just cross there, so the light doesn’t really matter”. A right of way is not so solid anymore in your mind.
UNLESS, someone does it to you. Har har, my bipedal bikers. You’re not all in this group but we’d be remiss to leave them out. The optional law followers that whine at the first opportunity!
5. You need somewhere to put your helmet
Protection is for babies. We know that, you know that, your head knows that. But a basket offers a nice place for you to rest helmet so you can pretend to be a responsible human being.
Just like when we pretend to go the speed limit if a cop car is near, now you can join in on the big stage of the play. As you park your bike, everyone will ooh and ahh to see this impenetrable gear tucked away neatly. We salute you, law abiding citizen pretender. We’re right there with you.
We hope you enjoyed this satire and yes.. it is satire. If you liked this article be sure to share it and thanks for stopping by!
I'm the owner of Beast Auto. I live in Phoenix, Arizona. I love anything automotive related, and taking road trips all across my beautiful state.