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The Top 6 Reasons you Own an Electric Car

Yes it’s you out there, changing the world one electron at a time. We know and so does everyone else, YOU have an electric car(gasp).

If only those fuel burning simpletons could understand your level of sophistication, they’d truly be enlightened. 

So here’s a list for you to share on the top reasons you own an electric car!

1. “It helps the environment”

As the local Karen speeds throughout traffic, the aristocrasticy has settled in her mind. She’s really helping the earth. And as she drinks from her plastic Starbucks cup filled with a brew mined from a third world country that definitely pays their employees a livable wage it hits her.. I am awesome!

2. You like the look

There’s no denying the delectable curvature of some electric vehicles. Heck, even Porsche is coming out with their own competitor in this arena. This reason, shared to you by an electric vehicle owner is perhaps the most honest thing you’ll get!

Even we admit, Tesla is doing a good thing to reinvent what we thought electric was. (See this list won’t be entirely mean). 

3. You willingly have watched multiple seasons of Big Bang Theory

What makes a great show to you? Well clearly there are some standouts, some real winners in your repertoire. But for you the real ingredient of success includes a ten second spacing between a laughtrack and a catchphrase. Bazinga! It marbles through your brain as your laughter unfurls. “This honey.. THIS is what tv is about!” 

Here’s to you, enlightened TV watcher with your exquisite taste in the future of comedic adventures. You really do have refined taste. 

4. You’re sick of people asking you for money at gas stations

For some of us, including the author of this post.. a gas station is a battlestation of sizing up your adversaries. Is he.. does he need money? Oh god is he washing my windshield already.. I’ve just parked! Ah yes, the tricks of the trade. Now you’re indebted to a random person, and they demand compensation. 

The recluse in you has found an avenue for reprieve. As your mind turns in an attempt to work yourself out of this weekly debacle it hits you.. I’ll skip gas stations altogether! We can get behind this reason full-heartedly. 

5. You’ve decided you’re Elon Musk and just haven’t made it yet

You call your friends, send emails, and you even have business cards with CEO under the title. Yes, that’s you.. the next big thing. And you know to mirror the image of someone you respect so much you have to take out a large auto loan and grab yourself one of his vehicles. 

We understand.. modeling right? That’s how this all works. You’ve even taken up a course in HTML or a programming language. The big invention festering in your mind is “a water fountain app”. People will pay you on this app to find where the closest water fountain is, and it’s brilliant. 

Chartered jets, lavish parties, and maybe your own island in the future. But it all starts somewhere. And for you, that’s with this Tesla!

6. You’re a professional quiet person

Loud noises, clicks, things of that nature are just.. impolite. Heck.. when you have to break wind you close the door behind you and excuse yourself from any human nearby. We get you, our polite friend.

So how can you save the earth from hearing those darn noises? Cut out the engine! It’s all so clear now, electric cars have found their niche and its YOU. We salute you, our ninja protege. May you rev on in silence. 

Conclusion Section

We hope you enjoyed this satire and yes.. it is satire. If you liked this article be sure to share it and thanks for stopping by!

Conor

I'm the owner of Beast Auto. I live in Phoenix, Arizona. I love anything automotive related, and taking road trips all across my beautiful state.